Feminism? Bah!
September 5, 2006
The other day, my girlfriend complained that her husband would not renew her road tax and car insurance for her. His reason? He wanted her to be independent and learn to do it herself. Fair enough, coz this woman has never in her life renewed her license herself, or did the taxes, or balanced the cheque books. I suppose the husband’s reasoning is valid, should he unexpectedly drops dead, she should be able to handle her personal affairs herself. He did not want her to be too reliant on him, lest she becomes lost in the jungle of modern life. But then again, this girlfriend of mine is a lawyer for god’s sakes. She goes to court and fights with old mean judges. She reads and prepares contracts thousands of pages thick. She can’t be so naive as not to be able to do such simple things like renewing her road tax.
When I asked her about it, her reply was simple – the guy is her husband. He should be doing those kind of tasks for her. She is the wife and should not be bothered with the nitty gritty details that came part and parcel with adult life, and especially with married life. That is what husbands are for!
That is what I would like to ponder today. In this day and age where women everywhere are screaming bloody murder for equal rights and feminine rights and gender equality, are there still girls who expect to be waited hand and foot by their masculine partners? Are there still high powered, balls busting, corporate ladder climbing women who turn into ditzy babes the moment it comes to domestic affairs?
Women today have come a long way. As early as in the 1800, women have begun to join the paid work force, to seek higher educational opportunities and to perceive a new sense of selfhood. The early feminists maintained that women had the same rights to political, religious, economic and social independence as men simply because they were no different from men. They deserved complete sovereignty because they, like men, had only themselves to rely on in times of crisis. Today, they have won the right to vote, to obtain equal education, to sit in the Supreme Court. They have proven that they can handle responsibilities of tough professions like supreme court judges, astronauts, pilots, even presidents.
So, after that long and hard struggle, isn’t it fair that they be expected to be able to do something as simple as renewing the road tax? Or for that matters, other tasks that have always been regarded as “husband duties”, like mowing the lawn, rotating the tires, changing the light bulb, doing the plumbing, checking out that suspicious sound in the middle of the night and chasing away that scary mouse. My view is, yes, it’s fair. But only, only, if the husband chips in doing duties that have always been regarded as “wifely” duties, like changing the baby’s diapers, doing the dishes, the laundry, preparing meals etc. And they have to do it without prompting, mind you. It doesn’t count if they do it only after being nagged by the wife a million times.
So, tasks should not be segregated according to sex, but rather, by the individual’s capabilities and skills. Wouldn’t it be ridiculous to expect the wife to cook all the time when the husband is a world class chef? And wouldn’t it be equally ridiculous to expect the husband to repair the television set when the wife is an electronic engineer?
And like many things in a relationship, it should also be a matter of give and take. So, the same way that I know my husband can wash those dirty dishes, and I do it for him anyway because I know he does not like doing it, the same way it should be that I let the petrol tank of my car go dangerously low just because I just hate filling in petrol. I suppose one of these days when I am stranded alone in the middle of nowhere with an empty tank, I could figure out how to work that petrol pump thingy, but for now, I expect that my husband do it for me. Not because he is a man and I am a woman, but rather because he knows that I don’t like doing it, so he should do the task I regard unpleasant for me. I suppose on some level, I guess there are still some women out there who expects men to open doors for them, not because they can’t open the door, but rather, because it is nice to have them open it for you. The same goes for giving up their seats in buses, and offering to carry your things, or for that matter, picking up the tab on dates. And I don’t see it as a sign of weakness, rather, a sign of respect and appreciation, for the, not weaker, but gentler sex.
But then again, maybe I am old fashioned. Maybe some women today do get offended when a man opens the door for her. Maybe she’d rather the man go through the door himself first, and let that heavy door slam in her face. And maybe she thinks that she should stand in that crowded train in her Gucci high heels. But for me, rather than take that crowded smelly train, after a long hard day at work, or shopping, it still feels much better if my man picks me up right at the door step. And I believe, after a long day at work, my husband likes me to prepare his meals for him. It is not about sexes. It’s about appreciating the people around you, and showing that appreciation in the way that you know best.
