Kidz!

What is it about kids that make mankind want to produce them over and over again? Aside from the fact that the process of making babies is highly enjoyable, well, at least for 76% of the Malaysian population according to a 2003 survey by Durex ;)

But lets face it, companies like Durex do give us the means to enjoy the process without having the need to taste the fruit of our labour. So why do we constantly have the need to remove those little caps from our little friend down there? After all, girls, did we not go through that 12 hours of excruciating pain trying to squeeze out something the size of a watermelon through an opening the size of an orange? And guys, did you not witness all that blood and gore and screaming and pain, after which you swore never again to touch your partner for as long as the both of you shall live? So what is it about those tiny little faces that make us lose our sanity and go through the pain and anguish all over and over again? It is a little difficult to fathom isn’t it? They may be only ye high and ye wide, but even at birth, they already have their holds on their parents lives. For you see, the moment a couple have a baby, WHAM!, their lives change forever. 

The changes they would have to make, the sacrifices they would have to take. This is especially true for their very first child. For the first child, they would trade in their beautiful sporty 2 seater Honda to an ugly bulky Toyota Unser which will be fitted with a baby seat, for the child to sit in obviously. And a rocker, in case the baby gets tired and needs to sleep. And of course the car will be stocked with enough juice, in case the baby gets thirsty, with enough Gerbers, in case the baby gets hungry, and with enough diapers, in case the baby goes poopy. Not to mention the toys to keep the baby occupied, and every conceivable product that have ever been produced on Barney the Purple Dinosaur to keep the baby entertained, and first aid kits, change of clothes, strollers, a medicine cabinet. All those, for the 10 minutes trip to the store down the block. And of course, with a child, a quiet night with your partner that you used to enjoy during your courting and newly wed days, well, that is simply an impossibility. Instead of the mature movies you so really enjoyed previously, you are now forced to pay nine bucks to watch a movie about a fat orange cat and a stupid drooling dog. Instead of enjoying the escargot with dom perignon and crème brule at that fancy restaurant, you are battling with Happy Meals. And watching TV? Forget it. When you have a child, your Astro will be constantly between channels 60 to 63, you KNOW the theme song of Tiny Planet by heart, you CAN find that hidden mickey and you KNOW the names of all four teletubbies.  

Also, once you have a child, you can kiss goodbye those Sunday morning romps that you and your partner used to enjoy. It’s a wonder how a couple can manage to have more than one child when attempts at intimacy are punctuated with questions like “Mama, what are you and papa doing?”.

And having a child is also very expensive. Diapers, formulas, baby food, toys, they are all so very expensive, you might as well arrange for your salary to be paid straight to Carrefour.  

So why or why, are we insane enough to have children again and again? As a mother, let me tell you why. 

Having a child is the most beautiful feeling you can ever experience. For one, there is nothing more ego boosting than having a toddler of your own. This little person, worships the ground that you walk on. You may sing like the biggest reject from American Idol, and they still think that you are the best singer in the universe and insist you sing Knick Knack Paddy Wack until you feel like throwing up. Your body may be like Roseanne Barr’s, but they still think you are the most beautiful goddess that has ever walked the planet.  Let me share with you what my 5 year old Adam said to me recently. In one of my mid life crisis stage of old age denial, I was wearing a rather tight tee with low cut jeans. A little, (ok a lot :p ) of spare tires were showing under the tee. Delightfully pointing to my really really prominent stretch marks that criss crosses my middle, Adam excitedly cried out, “Mama, you have stripes. You are so beautiful. You look just like a tiger. Can I have stripes too?” Now, how much better can it get? Only in the eyes of a 5 year old can stretch marks on their mother’s tummy look beautiful. 

In their eyes, you can do nothing wrong. Well, at least that’s true up until they reach adolescent years, after which you evolve from being super cool mom to super geek. But that’s another topic for another day.   Of course it’s hard, especially emotionally. The worry that they cause you makes you think you are constantly suffering cardiac arrest. Every cut they suffer, every fever they get, cause you to worry endlessly. You just want to protect them from every harm, from every heartbreak, and you just want to bash the head of that boy who pushed him in the playground yesterday.  I suppose all parents can all go on and on and on about how their children have affected and changed their lives. I suppose, we all get a little crazy when it comes to our kids. And I suppose on some level, I still reminiscence about those times where I can have eight hours of uninterrupted sleep, of the times where I can spend 500 bucks on a pair of boots, or of those times when I could go on holiday on a whim without having to consider school holidays. 

But one look at those chubby face, one spontaneous “I love you mama”, one peck of those wet slobbering kiss, and I know that I would not trade them even for the world, and I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

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